Notes on a Week in the Shires, Starring Pippa Middleton, Meatloaf, Cher, Stevie Wonder and Gilets

Monday

It is freezing cold here already. Everyone is wearing gilets. They really love wearing a gilet here – usually whilst standing around shivering and moaning that they are cold…  Er, why not just wear something with arms then?

Bubette is not very forthcoming at telling me what she does at nursery.

What did you do at nursery today Bubette?

‘I did a really big poo Mummy’

That Pippa Middleton has got a book out:
Pippa did the catering at an event I ‘organised’. She loathed my idea of saving budget by making the interns serve champagne…

Tuesday

Soul destroying things Bubette tells her teacher at nursery school Part 1; ‘My Daddy goes to work. My Mummy goes to Waitrose’

Soul destroying things my iPhone does whilst I’m pretending to be a sensible mother to Bubette’s teacher Part 1; switches itself on to music and loudspeaker. Subsequently Bonnie Tyler’s ‘I Need a Hero’ starts blaring out of my pocket.

What did you do at nursery today Bubette?

‘I did some gluing’

In the afternoon we go on a playdate. One of the mothers cracks open a bottle of wine ‘to take the edge off.’  Needless to say this woman is now my NBF.

 

Wednesday

Contrary to Bubette’s belief that ‘Mummy goes to Waitrose’ I’m working quite hard at the moment. Well, inbetween perusing various vacuous celeb gossip sites online *for research purposes*. I notice one website has published before and after pictures of various celebrities, citing them as having had ‘A list make overs’

I look at these pictures and wonder aghast if ‘A-list makeover’ is really just a polite way of saying ‘Shitloads of surgery?’

What did you do at nursery today Bubette?

‘I didn’t go on the scooter’

In the afternoon we go on another playdate. The children play while the mothers have a really earnest conversation about hoovers. Yes, hoovers. I chip in that I find my ‘Dyson Mini Animal’ invaluable. I can so do this.

Thursday

 

Someone tweets this picture. Obama, Jay Z and Bruce Springsteen. Cool.

Bruce Springsteen, mmmmmm, I’m looking at the pic above, but the pic below keeps subliminally flashing through my head

Hiya again, young Bruce Springsteen.

I tell Bubette that we are popping to Tesco. She promptly lies on the floor screaming ‘But I want to go to Waitrose.’

I so wish I had managed to capture this precious moment on film.

Friday

I prang my car into another car simply because the Meatloaf / Cher classic ‘Dead Ringer for Love’ comes on the radio and I’m busy singing along to the Cher bits.

A ‘p.c. Dad’ totes sees me and when I ask him if he’s got a pen so I can write down my details, he cannot hide his utter disdain. I cannot quite work out if this is because he is shocked by my shitty driving or appalled at my ‘duet’ with Cher. Or perhaps, and more likely, both?

In the afternoon I’m working hard (seriously) when a Stevie Wonder song comes on Radio Stepford. My mind drifts back to my PR days;

It’s 2am and we are ‘preparing’ for a fash show that is happening at 9am the next morning. My boss has been at a party and arrives back at the office rather ‘refreshed.’ He starts bollocking me because ‘I am lazy’ then he tells me to ‘get Stevie Wonder to come to the fashion show’. OK, so it’s 2am and I think Stevie Wonder lives in LA, and, besides, even if at such stupidly short notice Stevie did wish to attend this fashion show, (and I don’t think it’s his kind of thing) surely logistically it would be impossible – unless of course Stevie has a tardis.

Not being brave enough to argue with my boss who has clearly been ‘dancing with the white lady’ at said party, I put in the obligatory calls. The answer is no (obvs).

My boss simply shrugs and says ‘Well get me Tina Turner then’. He then disappears into his office, reappearing an hour or so later singing ‘I’m Every Woman’ at the top of his voice, whilst dancing round the office like a right twat.

 That’s showbiz for you reader. Well, that’s showbiz sherbet for you actually reader… but remember;

About mrstiggywinklesdiaries

From Fairy Tantrums to Fairy Cakes, an ex fashion pr moves to the countryside, becomes a Mummy and sings like a canary...
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2 Responses to Notes on a Week in the Shires, Starring Pippa Middleton, Meatloaf, Cher, Stevie Wonder and Gilets

  1. malabar222 says:

    I am well known to bore for England on Dyson at dinner parties – you want some facts to impress ? PS – thanks for Brucie’s pic again – moist.

  2. Yes pleasure re Dyson facts and its my pleasure (quite literally) re young Brucie x

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