A year and a half ago I published a post called ‘Things That Irritate Me About Being Approached to do PR by Tight Gits.’ It was a bit of a hoot served with a great big dollop of truth. Now, I feel like re-publishing it, because I have since gained many new readers (Hiya) who may not have had the ‘extreme pleasure’ of reading it – I mean obvs in no way am I re-publishing it because anyone has dicked me around re work in the past week, no not at all. But having said that, you may or may not recognise yourself, and obvs if you do it’s just a coincidence *sniggers* Hold Tight…
‘I’m paid well and on time, I’m very lucky. I’m always happy to chat to people re PR (perhaps this is my problem!), but I am already busy with lovely clients, and spending as much time as poss with darling lovely Bubette and darling husband Mr T and our menagerie of animals. I find it truly offensive that people would expect to take me away from this life unless they are going to pay me properly.
Do I look like an intern? No.
Does my cv look like an intern’s? No.
Then get right over yourselves. Do not expect me to miss out on my darling daughter’s early years to do you a favour!
Below are a few approaches I’ve had this month and things that irritate the shit out of me about them;
The arty client. You know the type. The live for their work, starving artist type, who expects everyone else to do that too. Love, I’m all about the cash – it’s as simple as that.
The broke client. You know the type, phone cuts out half way through the conversation, because they ‘ran out of credit’. Love, don’t you think you should get your finances sufficiently sorted before you start approaching staff? Odds are if you can’t even pay your phone bill, you ain’t gonna be paying me.
The client that clearly doesn’t know their arse from their elbow. They phone me saying they are looking for PR. ‘What do you need?’ I ask. They then say they aren’t sure, perhaps they might need someone more marketing based, perhaps they don’t need anyone at all, perhaps they don’t know their own mind. Well, perhaps they should hire a clairvoyant.
The client that currently has interns running their PR dept, but thinks they ‘might’ hire someone professional ‘for one day a week’ to ‘oversee it, but could I half my day rate?’ Just fuck right off, love.
The client that ‘doesn’t have much money to spend on PR’ but is clearly loaded, with shops in exclusive parts of the world . Translated this means ‘I don’t want to spend much on PR, because I’m a really tight git / I don’t value PR, but I quite fancy trotting about saying I’ve got one’. Share the love or just cock off love, I’m not a Labradoodle..
The client that requests a meeting, and another meeting, and another meeting before they ‘make a decision re PR’. Translated this means they ain’t gonna hire anyone, they are just fishing, collecting ideas, getting it all for free. Newsflash love, I’m not zipped up the back, I shan’t be attending said meetings. Feel free to get your own ideas. Indeed, there was a rumour that a top photographer / director friend of mine got so fed up with people calling in his book purely to rip his ideas off, that he started charging people 250 quid just to see it and suing like hell when he was copied. People say this was arrogant. I say he is the one that ended up with the Oscar nomination…
The client that wants an unpaid meeting to know ‘what I can do for them’. Love, you’ve seen my cv, that’s what I can do. Call my clients for references. I’m already busy working for people who know what I can do.
The client that gasps at my day rate and says they can ‘get a top PR agency’ for that. Well, you can’t actually. But feel free to try. Go and pay that to a good PR agency and if they don’t laugh in your face, then watch them put someone wet behind the ears on your account, because that’s what they do when you aren’t paying top whack. I know, I ran one of the best agencies for years!
Go ahead find out the hard way. I really look forward to never hearing about you!!!’
And to add this from 2012. Here is the Dalai Lama on Friends;
‘Friends, genuine friends, are attracted by a warm heart, not money, not power. A genuine friend considers you as just another human being, as a brother or sister, and shows affection on that level, regardless of whether you are rich or poor, or in a high position; that is a genuine friend’.
Most friends are like that, but there is also the fashion frenemy:
Me; ‘Oh Christ it’s the fashion frenemy’
The fashion frenemy ’Oooh hows your daughter / life in the countryside / your husband / I miss you so much / when are you going to come to London to have a cup of tea with me etc etc blah blah blah.’
Me; ‘Really great’. Silently in head ‘what the fuck does she actually want this time?’
The fashion frenemy ’ I haven’t seen you for aaaagggesss’
Me silently in head ‘No because you only contact me when you want something’
The fashion frenemy ’Anyway, I just wondered if you had so and so’s number / email?’ (can be replaced with ‘I just wanted to pick your brains / ask your advice on this / I heard about that event you are doing and wondered if I can come / you know that celebrity you know, well do you think she’ll….etc etc blah blah blah’)
Me; ‘Yes, sure, so and so’s number is 666′. (or such like)
The Fashion Frenemy ’Oooooh you are soooooo sweet’
Ummmm, No. I’m not, I see through you, I’m just killing you with my kindness, but you sweetie are far too self-absorbed to realise that.