Really Bitchy Things Mothers Say To Each Other Part 27,032 (Including The Dreaded School Run)

Since moving to the countryside and becoming a mother, I have encountered some of the most odious women ever invented. I should also make it very clear that I have also met some of the most wonderful women and both myself and Bubette have a firm circle of lovely friends.

Sadly, life dictates that we have to venture outside of this circle of lovely women and it is, sometimes on these occasions that we encounter said odious women.

Here are 3 examples of these women and their barmy behaviour in the past week. Hold tight;

Occurrence 1.

We’ve just finished Bubette’s music class when I notice a mother I haven’t see for a year (completely on purpose, due to the fact that she’s an utter cow) gurning at me with the look of a salivating bloodhound. Shit, she’s by the door, there’s no other escape. I walk towards her bracing myself for whatever she plans to throw at me this time.

And she’s doing a really big teethy false smile at me. Excellent.

Here’s the ‘conversation’;

Me; ‘Hi, it’s good to see you, how are you?’

Her (adopting repulsed face) ‘Oh. my. GOD, you are SO skinny, Oh. dear’

Me (silently in head) ‘WTF? I’m 7 months pregnant, hasn’t she not noticed?’

Me to her ‘Really? I’m pregnant, I doubt I’m skinny’

Her (now adopting repulsed tone) ‘Really? Well YOUR face is so thin’ (in case I don’t understand this clearly, she drags both hands down her face really, really slowly and sucks her cheeks in).

The thing is here, reader, not meaning to piss on this woman’s fire or anything, but I worked in fashion for 15 years, therefore telling me I look skinny and my face looks ‘so thin’ is actually a great big, massive complement. So, although I know she doesn’t mean it like that, I decide to take it like that.

Me; ‘Wow, thanks, that’s great to hear, and again, it’s lovely to see you’

That’s her fire totally out.

Occurrence 2.

I’ve become sort of friendly with a Mum I’ve seen around for a few years. Not playdate friendly, but friendly enough for chats when we bump into each other. She’s a very wealthy full time yummy Mummy. Our daughters are the same age, they cross over at certain ballet / swimming type activities. She’s always lovely and upbeat.

I bump into her in a hardware store. Here’s the conversation;

Her ‘I am in your area tomorrow’

Me ‘Brilliant here’s my number, give me a call and we can get the girls together for a play’

Her ‘ Yes mine would LOVE that, how sweet. I didn’t see you last week at swimming / ballet etc?’

Me ‘No I was working (her face drops) in London (her chin is now on the floor), Bubette stayed at my parents, as I don’t have childcare (somebody just told her the fairies at the bottom of her garden aren’t real).

Her ‘Oh, urgh’

She never calls. And the next time she sees me she is curtly polite but doesn’t stop to chat. The next time after that I see her she is arranging a playdate with another wealthy full time yummy Mummy.

Whatever Trevor.

Occurrence 3

The Hive

THE SCHOOL RUN, ARGH, THE MOTHERFUCKING SCHOOL RUN. WHERE DO THEY GET THESE TWATTY WOMEN FROM?

And wow, doesn’t the sunshine bring all the bitches to the playground.

My Bubette, age 3 spends a few mornings in a nursery school. This nursery school is excellent, Bubette loves it there, the teachers are wonderful, but the mothers, oh my word, the mothers, THOSE WOMEN.

I’m not sure at which point one’s life becomes so vacuous that the key part of it, the part you put the most effort into is ‘the school run look’ and hanging out in the school car park next to your Chelsea Tractor talking utter crap like how beautiful Dido’s new single is, and how Boden have a chatroom where you can swap Victoria sponge recipes to other impeccably groomed mothers, whilst staring down anyone who dares look at you.

Anyway, here’s what happened to me yesterday, and forgive me, but I’m still trying to work this one out…

My Bubette has a circle of 3 close friends at nursery. One of the little girls also shares the same first name. Lets call her Bubette 2.

Bubette 2′s mother is lovely and we often have a chat, in fact we are chatting when another mother from Bubette’s circle of friends – let’s call this little girl Bunty and her mother appear.

Bunty’s mother (blanking me and Bubette), ‘Oh hiiiiii are you Bubette 2′s Mummy?

Bubette’s 2′s mother ‘ Yes, you must be Bunty’s Mummy’

Bunty’s mother ‘Yes, and Bunty just loves Bubette 2, (the emphasis here I must stress is on the surname, she is making a point she is NOT under any circumstances just in case I think she might be including me or my Bubette) and she really really wants me to arrange a playdate at our house’

Please note Bubette and I are standing there within the same 4ft space. Bunty’s mother totally knows we are listening and that they are friends and she still totally doesn’t give a shit, well she does, doesn’t she, she wants to make me feel inferior. She’s like one of those kids who shares their sweets with everyone but you just to try and make you think she’s more important, but that’s a kid, this is a grown woman.

They carry on arranging the playdate, exchanging numbers / addresses etc whilst ignoring us.

Meanwhile Bunty and my Bubette stand here awkwardly staring at each other.

It is then the full horror of this strikes me; Bubette understands that a playdate is being arranged with her 2 best friends in front of her and she is Not Fucking Invited.

Urgh, whatta bitch mother. I’m raging. I’m used to this sort of woman trying to make me feel like shit, but a 3 year old…

I cannot tell you how much I want to tell this excuse for a mother what I think of her, but as my regular readers will know I’ve read too many buddhist books and I know that sad little fuckers like this woman thrive on reaction, and drama – there isn’t much else in their lives.

Instead of hate I occupy my thoughts with why this is happening and let’s be honest here, it is totally about me isn’t it, because she’s choosing the mother’s she wants to network with, she’s not just choosing who her daughter wishes to play with.

And, why hasn’t she chosen me?

1.Is it because I worked (a very filthy word amongst this sort of mother) over the Easter hols, therefore I don’t have a tan from Mauritius like most of this clique seem to?

2.Or because I talk instead of bray?

3.Do I reek of having lived in London for years and having had a career, and not being a product of the local boarding schools bred to marry within the local toffs?

4.Can she tell just by looking at me that I bake really, really shitty cakes?

5.Or could it simply be because I’m not wearing a maxi skirt?

Who knows? I personally think it’s a heady combination of all 5 reasons, with a huge dollop of toss thrown in.

I’m upset, I’m upset for me, but I’m mostly upset for Bubette. And I’m very confused. Do I really want Bubette in a school like this? But it’s such a great school. Bubette loves it. But do I really want her in an environment where women behave like this?

I’m completely unsure of what to do.

I’m also 7 months pregnant and very hormonal.

I drop Bubette into her classroom and then I have a really good cry in the car on the way home. Well I cry until ‘Born to Run’ comes on Radio Stepford, then I quickly get over myself, belting out ‘Together Wendy we can live with the sadness, I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul hu-uuuuuhhhhh’ in the glorious sunny English countryside.

When I get home I tweet the following to Gill Hornby who has written a book called ‘The Hive’ which is ‘based on the bee-like hierarchy of middle class mothers at a fictional primary school’ I cannot wait to read this book and so I ask Gill;

‘When is your book out @GillHornby ? And, crucially will it help me make sense of, or laugh at the barmy school run behaviour I encounter ?

Lovely Gill tweets straight back ‘Out on May 23, thank you for asking. And I very sincerely hope it will do both’

So do I Gill, so do I….because the mind boggles…

About mrstiggywinklesdiaries

From Fairy Tantrums to Fairy Cakes, an ex fashion pr moves to the countryside, becomes a Mummy and sings like a canary...
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20 Responses to Really Bitchy Things Mothers Say To Each Other Part 27,032 (Including The Dreaded School Run)

  1. Tara Maynard says:

    Brilliant. Sadly the same goes at some London schools. Hang in there and stay normal for Bubette. It’s our only hope!!

  2. Hayley says:

    Feel your pain, although thank god I don’t actually get out the car anymore !!!
    Love love love your blog ! Pure genius ! Love reading and sharing x
    Thanks

  3. Thank you so much for your support Hayley. I’m so glad you enjoy it xx

  4. Jacqui pepper says:

    Hi love the article (I am 57 years old and have experience of state and prep schools over the years,it seem like you are at a prep school,try a state one the mummy’s really are much nicer on the whole!!!!!!

  5. tell them all to go f@~k them selves and give Bubette a squeeeeeeeze from me. x

  6. malabar222 says:

    Option 3 I would have said ? Always fun reading your blog – keep it up. My 2 (now grown ups) started at pre-prep, then prep. It (now) costs £150,000 to put one child through boarding education – or 2 through day schools. I went through the similar scenario as you – once racking up to collect the kids from prep with a trailer on the back of my car full of old brass beadsteads en route for refurbishment after school pick up (I was also a working mother in the days of Laura Ashley – hence bedsteads and pine which were all the go then). Euwwww. Not the done thing. My advice today would be to spend the money later, rather than earlier, on childrens’ education. The down side of this is that Uni’s now (under Gvmt pressure) choose students from state education over private. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t ! x

    • Thanks so much for your advice. I try never to judge mothers on whether they choose to work or not, but many women sadly still do. Although why any mothers choose to spend their time standing around the playground all groomed up + saying ‘Yah’ over and over is something I will never quite be able to work out xx

    • malabar says:

      you cannot breed out the yah yah Sloane gene. (usually accompanied with hair tossing)

  7. Eventually your children will take themselves to school and you will miss all this, just a little bit. Yes there can be a lot of school run-associated bitchiness but don’t assume that everyone is like that. There are probably plenty of people in there who feel just like you – maybe you just haven’t hit on the good ones yet.

    • I have met the good ones…at this school…they feel the same…some are removing their kids, not because it’s not a great school with fantastic teachers, but because of the way the other mothers behave.

  8. sushilla says:

    I feel your pain, been there, done it, my advice would be move back to London!!

  9. Pingback: More News from the Odious School Run Including a Dynasty Flashback | mrstiggywinklesdiaries

  10. Pip says:

    I used to have a set of “friends” like you describe. Then I realised what a pack of bitches they were (with the exception of 2). Binned them off, and sent my son to a lovely pre-school, with lovely, normal parents from all walks of life. He will be going to a lovely but tiny other school in September where I already know some of the Mums, who are lovely, and parent just as haphazardly as I do. Poor Bubette. Do you think that this particular breed of Sloane (the sort that’s so posh they can’t put their top teeth away) were the sort to threaten “well you’re not coming to my party then” when they were a (spoilt) child? I think so.

  11. Hi Pip, I’m loving the term ‘so posh they can’t put their top teeth away’ There are many lovely Mum’s there too – but they tend to be the one’s exiting the playground promptly. Well done for binning off the bitches! X

  12. mia thompson says:

    Hi, I’ve been there. When my son was little, I dreaded the school run. My situation was odd in that I always made an effort to look well groomed and I found some of the mums looking me up and down in a negative way. Also, I am now back working full time (I’m a school teacher), and I have so much sympathy for some of our lovely mums who have to face the ‘mean girl gang’ every day. Just ignore them and rise above all the nastiness – I would imagine that a lot of them are jealous of you because of your career.

  13. catkin says:

    Totally have been through this and it gets worse not better and it IS harmful for the kids – they do notice the exclusion. The children learn from their parents to ostracise and it is unbelievably awful. Would quite happily ignore such ignorant behaviour if it wasn’t harming my DD but it is. We are at a posh state school. Am pulling DD out – for many reasons – but awfulness of other parents is a big one. Never would I have imagined that adults would behave like this towards children – shocking – what an eye opener it has been – so much for social mobility for kids in this brave new world – yuk.

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